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4B Daily News – Tuesday, January 15, 2013 FEATURES Suspicious hubby worries wife Sleep aids do not do much good tions become Dear Annie: I more strident or used to travel a more frequent, fair amount for this could indicate my job. These mental health or trips included medical issues, lunches and dinand he should see ners with my cohis doctor. workers, someDear Annie: I times in groups, sometimes not. Annie's recently made a new friend at At no time did I work. We have ever have the faintest interest by Kathy Mitchell known each other in having an and Marcy Sugar for three months, and we get along affair. But my husband thinks other- great. However, imagine my surprise last week wise. During the entire time when she told me she I traveled, he constantly used my first name on an accused me of sleeping online dating site. At first with ''somebody.'' I I just thought it was a litnever once gave him a tle weird, but now I feel uncomfortable reason to think I was really cheating. I recognized about it and don't know that this was just his way what to do. How can I get her to of dealing with his own insecurities and poor change her online profile without ruining our work self-image. I have not worked for relationship? — Miffed Dear Miffed: This a number of years, but on occasion, he stills insinu- was presumptuous but ates that I had affairs. not disastrous. If she Instead of being support- used only your first name ive of my hard work then and the rest of her inforand now, he thinks it's mation is her own, it's more important to keep annoying but not comsuggesting that I'm promising. However, the always looking for some- fact that she would do one else to sleep with. this without consulting How do I get him to you indicates that she could easily take other stop? — Not a Cheater Dear Not: Your hus- liberties down the road, band sounds overly sus- so you are smart to nip picious. We don't mean this in the bud. Be nice but honest. to add to the problem, but sometimes those who Say, ''Dottie, remember are having affairs accuse when you said you used the spouse of the same my first name on your offense. Tell your hus- dating profile? It really band that his continuing made me uncomfortable. accusations undermine And prospective dates your trust and make you don't like that sort of wonder what is really thing, either. Please going on. Counseling change it immediately.'' could help get to the bot- If she is the type who tom of it. If he is unwill- would end a friendship ing, you can choose to over this, consider it a turn a deaf ear or get bullet dodged. Dear Annie: Hats off counseling on your own. However, if his accusa- to you for printing the Mailbox letter about World Suicide Prevention Day and bringing awareness to one of the most difficult events that happens in life. Only when you walk in these shoes do you understand what a person is going through when they become a survivor of a suicide. I lost my nephew to suicide in 2008. As difficult as it was, I sought the support of our local Survivors of Suicide support group. They understood exactly what our family was going through. Through their love, support and compassion, I was able to hold myself together. It has now been four years, and my life has gone on, but not without difficult days and sadness. Without the support group, it would have been much more difficult. I continue with the support group so that the incoming folks can see that life goes beyond their present grief. Please, if you find yourself in this situation, seek out S.O.S. through a national hotline, your local family services or on the Internet, for they understand your pain, and they give you hope when such darkness shadows your life. — S.O.S. Survivor Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net , or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. valerian, its manufacture is not DEAR DOCTOR K: I'm a regulated. woman in my 60s who struggles One condition where with insomnia. A friend recommelatonin may help sleep is in mended melatonin. What do you older adults. People over 60 think of this and other natural with insomnia often have lower sleep aids? levels of nighttime melatonin DEAR READER: Many of my (as measured in the urine) than patients have trouble with insomthose without insomnia. Some nia. Now and then, so do I. There are different types of sleep probDr. K studies have found that such people may sleep better if they lems, each treated differently. by Anthony L. People can have trouble falling Komaroff, M.D. take melatonin supplements. I would check with a sleep speasleep, staying asleep or waking cialist if you're interested in pursuing up tired. Like you, some of my patients are this treatment. If melatonin and valerian root don't interested in natural sleep remedies. The most commonly used herbal sleep aid is help, you can try alternative approaches. valerian root. Some studies suggest that However, their track record is less estabvalerian is mildly sedating and can help lished. Acupressure appears promising. In people fall asleep and improve their sleep quality. But the evidence is mixed. acupressure, pressure is placed on An analysis of multiple studies of valer- acupuncture points without needles. Tai chi and yoga may help you fall ian's effect on sleep published in 2010 concluded that people fell asleep only asleep faster and improve your quality of about a minute sooner than with a sugar sleep. Both have the added benefits of pill. There also is some risk of liver dam- promoting mental relaxation as well as age from valerian, and some women muscle relaxation. Meditation may help as a calming and relaxing technique as report headaches after using the herb. I'm not aware of good studies of the well. You can also try drinking a cup of long-term use of valerian. Finally, the manufacture of herbal treatments, unlike chamomile tea before bed. This age-old conventional drugs, is not regulated by home remedy appears to help people the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. relax and become drowsy. Chamomile is Impurities have been found in some both mild and safe. (But avoid it if herbal preparations that are available you're allergic to plants in the daisy over-the-counter. For all these reasons, I family.) An excellent, short and inexpensive don't recommend valerian. Another popular natural sleep aid is e-book about treatments for women batthe one you mentioned, melatonin, tling insomnia is "Successful Sleep which is a hormone made in the brain. It Strategies for Women" by Harvard Medinfluences body temperature, sleep and ical School's Dr. Julia Schlam Edelman. daily body rhythms (circadian rhythms). You can learn more about this book at The question is whether melatonin taken AskDoctorK.com. as a pill can help with sleep. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and For most types of sleep problems, I professor at Harvard Medical School. To don't think melatonin has been shown in scientific studies to help sleep. Over-the- send questions, go to AskDoctorK.com, counter melatonin is sold as a food sup- or write: Ask Doctor K, 10 Shattuck St., plement in the United States, and like Second Floor, Boston, MA 02115. Non-profit council to meet Jan. 29 The North Valley Nonprofit Council's next meeting is 3-5 p.m. on Tuesday, Jan. 29, at Beatniks Coffee House and Breakfast Joint. The topic will be Fundraising Model Disrupted: a new look at donor and constituent relations, a facilitated discussion to kick-off fundraising in 2013. There is no cost to attend and no reservations needed. For more information contact Laura Cootsona via e-mail: Laura@LRCConsulting.com.