Up & Coming Weekly

The Oily Bird Gets the Worm by PITT DICKEY Where is Popeye when you need him? If Popeye was in New Orleans he could just chug down a can of spinach and plug BP’s Deepwater Horizon Well that is spewing crude into the Gulf of Mexico at ever increasing rates. But Popeye is in a rest home in Florida and doesn’t drive any more. Oops! We shouldn’t be too hard on BP. They didn’t mean anything by it. In fact they were just answering the musical question, “Why can’t everyday be Christmas?” They have provided the Gulf Coast with the gift that keeps on giving, an ever expanding oil slick. By the time this column hits the streets we will be seeing those awful pictures of oil covered sea birds and dead sea turtles that show up whenever the oil companies have an oopsie. There has been some interesting talk that if the Deepwater Horizon well isn’t capped soon, BP’s oil slick will cruise out into the Gulf stream. The slick will then follow the Gulf stream around Florida’s east coast. It may grace North Carolina and the rest of the east coast with a colorful sheen of oil and rotting oily dead sea creatures. Enjoy your trip to the beach. Eat all the shrimp and oysters you can in the next couple of months unless you like seafood au petroleum. The legal fi ckle fi ngers of fate are already pointing at each other chucking blame all around. Our old friend Halliburton, late from operating the Bush Administration, built the concrete base of the Deepwater Horizon well. Halliburton was doing a bit more concrete work shortly before the well blew up. Not their fault. BP says that the oil spill really isn’t their fault. Another company, Transocean Ltd. was the owner of the Deepwater Horizon well that BP was operating. Not Transocean’s fault either. Our favorite right-wing nutjob, Rush Limbaugh says that probably the well was blown up by some wacky environmentalist to make Big Oil look bad. Rush may be back on his prescription addiction pills again. Maybe it’s the fault of the federal agency in charge of regulating off-shore oil drilling, the previously obscure Minerals Management Service which is soon to be as famous as “You’re doing a heckuva job Brownie” of FEMA. It turns out the Deepwater Horizon well didn’t have the remote control shut off switch that some other off shore drilling companies use. Oops. We all know how irritating it is at home when we can’t fi nd the remote to operate the TV. You actually have to get up and walk across the room to change the channel. The horror, the horror. Imagine how the wizards at BP must have felt when they realized they couldn’t fi nd the remote control to turn off the oil because they hadn’t ordered one. Oops. Someone at BP is going to get a strongly worded letter of reprimand with their seven fi gure performance bonus. Fortunately every oily cloud has a silver lining for someone. It’s an ill oil slick the blows no one no good. Our old Wall Street friends the investment banks are selling BP Oil, Halliburton and Transocean short. Selling short means that they are betting the value of the shares of these companies are going to drop. If the shares drop, the investment banks make money. The litigation, economic losses and death of sea critters arising out of the Deepwater Horizon oil spill will go on many moons beating up lots of different companies and individuals. Each instance of misery will be a chance for Wall Street to make more money. The money from subprime mortgage bets has dried up for Wall Street. That source of winnings has been replaced by the winnings from a single faulty subprime oil well that was put together without all of its parts like a toy on Christmas morning assembled after Dad had too many glasses of Christmas cheer. The coming misery along the coasts of Louisiana, Alabama, Mississippi, Florida, Georgia, South Carolina and North Carolina will put money in the pockets of Wall Street investment banks. It makes the destruction of the coastal environment worthwhile since it will make money for Wall Street. The Wall Street fi rms can’t help themselves from profi ting from the latest apocalypse. Misery loves Wall Street and Wall Street loves misery. Echoing Popeye, Wall Street says, “I yam what I yam.” Skunks stink, snakes slither and Wall Street loves profi t without regard to the source. It’s in their nature. oil spill? Now, don’t you feel better about the PITT DICKEY, Contributing Writer. COMMENTS? 484-6200 ext. 222 or editor@upandcomingweekly.com. Wiley’s Grille & Bar at the Holiday Inn Bordeaux. Relaxed • Casual • Friendly Menu includes a variety of appetizers, salads, sandwiches, entrees and char-grilled, hand cut “Sterling Silver” choice steaks. www.hibordeaux.com 1707 Owen Drive 910-323-0111 or 800-325-0211 OPEN DAILY FROM 4 P.M. - MIDNITE, GRILLE OPEN 4:30 - 11 P.M. 6 UCW MAY 12-18, 2010 2 pool tables, 2 big screens and 10 monitors hosting NFL ticket (in season), and as the fun heats up, take advantage of our outdoor deck. Wiley’s offers a full bar including frozen Island Oasis creations. WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM

• Cover