Up & Coming Weekly

OPINION Caring for Granny by DIANE WHEATLEY Life changes all the time and our best laid plans can sometimes be interrupted. At this point in life, I thought I might be traveling and maybe going to cooking classes, skiing or taking up mountain climbing with all the spare time I thought would be coming my way. Then, somewhat unexpectedly, my dad died and once again life changed. My dad was a private man and he never discussed what he considered personal matters. Being a retired command sergeant major, he was used to being in charge and he stayed in charge up to the last. It was not that he tried to hide anything from me, but I did not realize how much of his time was taken up caring for my mother. You see, “Granny” as my family affectionately calls her, has dementia and cannot care for herself. Through my dad’s fi nal illness, I began to be very aware of just how bad it had become. When my dad passed away, I was suddenly in charge. I felt like life was over for me and that I would never be able to do anything I wanted to again. I had to settle my dad’s estate. Then, I had to re-do my house to accommodate mom and get her settled in a place she did not want to be! Imagine being taken suddenly from the home you had known for over 35 years and waking up in a room that you don’t recognize. Then couple that with the fact that the person you have been with most of your life is gone and you don’t know why. Mother was not comprehending any of it. At fi rst, early evening just as the sun went down was toughest of all. On almost a daily basis, mom would forget why she was with us. She would get a concerned look on her face then ask where dad was and when he was coming to pick her up. Or, she would disappear from the room and reappear with her coat and pocketbook asking to be taken home. We would have to gently explain that dad had died and that her home was now with us. This daily ritual took its toll on each of us initially. Days, weeks and months have passed. Mom has settled in and the “I’s” have changed to we. The focus now is to reestablish some normality and maximize the                 quality of life for all of us. One of the fi rst tasks was to get some weight back on Mom who had dropped to 88 pounds. She just would not eat. So instead of feeding her three meals a day we switched to feeding her every two hours. Mom now weighs 100 pounds. The only problem with this is I have gained weight eating with her. The dog was getting a little pudgy too until we fi gured out that mom was slipping her the food off her plate when we weren’t watching. Now it’s small portions for me, diet dog food for the four legged member of the family and “keep your hands where I can see them, Granny.” I think we fi xed that portion of the puzzle. The role reversal between parent and child has not been as diffi cult as I would have imagined. Thank goodness for that, because it had to happen. Remember when you told your children to take their bath and when you checked the tub and soap they would still be dry? Even the towel would be folded neatly in the same place? I quickly learned to make sure my mother was in the tub and I help her with her bath. Also, she may come out of the bathroom with the same clothes you just took off of her if you don’t take them with you. Brushing teeth can be just as challenging. You see she cannot remember if she did or did not brush. Her sense of style has become rather interesting too, so it’s best if she gets some help with her wardrobe selection. I am blessed with Granny sitters, as we call them, who are loving and caring with Mom. They take wonderful care of her and without them I would be adjusting other parts of my life. I am now in charge of all scheduling and doctor appointments. This could be a downer and I would not choose this job, but this is my mother. Above all, it’s a team effort. The whole family pitches in. My daughter keeps her at her home for a week every month or longer if my work or a project I am involved in takes me out of town. My youngest son watches his grandmother in the evenings or takes her out for a hamburger when he knows I need a break. My husband also does anything he can to help.            WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM Deciding to provide in-home care for an aged parent is not the best solution in every case. It can be hard physically and emotionally. It also needs to be a family decision, because it will take everybody’s help to do it. It is not all negative, though, by any means. I don’t know how much longer I will have my mother and I am enjoying being able to spend time with her. Just last week I asked my husband how he is handling my mom’s more unusual behavior. He responded “Sometimes you just have to laugh.” He is so right. What is that old saying? When life hands you lemons make lemonade! Well when life makes you a caregiver make the best of it, lean on your family and ask God to hold you up. that happens really is funny. Oh, and it always helps to keep a sense of humor. After all, some of the stuff DIANE WHEATLEY, Contributor. COMMENTS? Editor@upandcomingweekly.com. MAY 5-11, 2010 UCW 5

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