Up & Coming Weekly

NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Lax on Perverts: In February, the Minnesota Board of Chiropractic Examiners relicensed Scott Fredin even though he is still registered as a sex offender following a 2003 conviction for fondling two female patients during “examinations.” Released from jail in 2006, he had re-applied to the board, which then found him “rehabilitated.” He agreed to several restrictions on his offi ce practice, but the board declined to order him to disclose his crime to patients. (And in March, the Tennessee Board of Medical Examiners fi nally expelled Dr. David Livingston, whom it had licensed in 1992 despite knowledge of his sex-crime-related expulsions in two states and his being labeled a “violent sex offender” by the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation.) [Star Tribune, 2-25-10] [WSMV-TV (Nashville), 1-27-10, 3-17-10] The Continuing Crisis Ralph Conone, 68, was arrested in Columbus, Ohio, in March after witnesses identifi ed him as the man who several times had walked up behind young children, punched them on the head when their parents weren’t looking, and walked away as if nothing had happened. According to police, Conone confessed that he had been punching children in public since January because he liked the “excitement” of getting away with something. [Columbus Dispatch, 3-12-10] Police who were called to a home in Charleroi, Pa., in February arrested Linda Newstrom, 49, for allegedly swinging a baseball bat (reportedly, a genuine Louisville Slugger) at her 21-year-old son, Jeffrey, because he had come home drunk. (She whiffed on the fi rst two swings but connected on the third.) Newstrom told police, “I brought him into this world, and I’ll take him out of this world.” [Observer-Reporter (Washington, Pa.), 2-17-10] Roberta Feinsmith, 67, who had been fi red by the Jewish Theological Seminary in New York City, fi led a wrongful-discharge lawsuit in February, claiming that, despite glowing job reviews for 12 years, she was terminated because of her age and because she complained to other workers about her recently hired supervisor’s “constant barrages of ... fl atulence.” [New York Post, 2-7-10] In February, a one-armed man swiped a single cuffl ink from the CJ Vinten shop in Leigh-on-Sea, England, and in March, a one-legged man swiped a single Nike trainer shoe from a store in Barnsley, England. The one-armed man is still loose, but the one- legged man was arrested. [Daily Telegraph, 2-8-10] [Yorkshire Post, 3-10-10] In February, the parents of Deepak Kumar, 7, of Belhari in India’s Bihar state, sought fi nancial help for surgery to remove the parasitic twin joined at the hip with the now-eight-limbed boy. (His father told an Agence France-Presse reporter that he rejected suggestions that Deepak remain as is so that villagers could worship him as a deity.) [Agence France-Presse, 3-10-10] COPYRIGHT 2010 CHUCK SHEPHERD WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM WEEKLY HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY ARIES (March 21-April 19). Initially, you might be miffed when higher ups demand more of you this week. You’ll quickly move past your fi rst reaction and get to work. You’ll make ‘em proud as you step it up and do more than you thought you could. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Do things when you think of them. Follow this adage on small and big matters. You might believe your inten- tions will ripen if you give them time, but in fact, everything becomes more diffi cult and labored. Think and then act — with minimal, if any, lag time in between. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You often hear oth- ers repeat the words of politicians and entertain- ers. You read cliched e-mail forwards and are privy to mundane workplace banter. So when a fresh voice pipes up in your world, you take no- tice. Embrace those who express themselves with great originality, and be such a person yourself. CANCER (June 22-July 22). A relationship has problems — but only if you choose to see it that way. Imagine that it would be ruined by any addi- tion, subtraction or change. Maybe there is more to love than you thought. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). There’s a fi ne line between putting yourself in the line of inspiration and just goofi ng off. Only you can tell exactly where the line is, but it’s somewhere past the fi rst wave of guilt that indicates you should not be allowing yourself to have so much fun, but before the fi fth wave of guilt, which is bringing you the truth. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). An overly self- involved person will interest you. You might fi nd yourself craving this person’s attention, but be careful. Resist being snagged into the orbit of someone who cannot see you or love you the way you deserve to be seen and loved. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Your loved ones will do whatever you ask of them, primarily because you never ask anything of them. So when a friend or relative wants to use your network and ask favors of your loved ones, you feel protective. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You usually fi nd your way into the spotlight. However, this week it’s being occupied by one of your nearest and dearest. You’ll feel proud to be in the “audience.” Your loved one should have the full attention of every witness of this important life moment. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You don’t have to be a poker player to know that it’s impor- tant to hold your cards close to the vest. Talking too freely will leave you open to distraction, obstruction and unwanted input. Stay guarded, and keep your plans and all relevant details to yourself. The mystery is attractive. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You’ll be slightly more expressive than usual this week. Your reactions to the ups and downs of life may surprise you. The way you experience life is valid and a sign that your humanity is very much intact. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Before a bird learns to fl y, it gets pushed out of the nest a few times. So you might say the fi rst fl ying lessons are really about how to fall and not get too hurt. It’s something to keep in mind when this week brings you a nudge out of the nest of your com- fort zone. By Thursday, you’ll fi nd your wings and take to the air. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). There’s a tempta- tion to peek into intriguing situations to which you’re not technically invited. A little harmless meddling and tampering is irresistible mischief, especially when you have a partner in crime — like a lighthearted Gemini who sees the potential for entertainment in all things. By Holiday Mathis A House Not So Divided ADVICE GODDESS About the Thighs of It This girl I met on a dating site attends another college, three hours away, so we’ve only talked on the phone. I’ve experienced the online/in-person divergence before, so I’m worried. I’ve seen photos, but they’re blurry face shots or half-body shots. My friends and family say I’m being shallow, that I should focus on how good a person she is. I’m not bad looking, but I could lose 10 pounds, so I see their point. But I’m a smart guy with a promising career ahead, and I really desire an attractive woman (at least better than average). —Fearing Big Bertha Careful what you wish for. If this girl’s true to her pictures, she’ll show up on your date with a blurry face and a body that ends where they cropped the photo. Ignore your friends and family, who won’t be the ones sleeping with your girlfriend (well, presumably). It’s anything but shallow to make sure a woman has the looks you need to be hot for her. But, does a guy who could stand to depork a little get to be picky about a woman looking just like her photo (give or take 20 pounds)? Actually, yes. Less so in college, when women aren’t worrying about how they’ll pay the mortgage and tend to go for the cutest boyfriend they Amy Alkon              3006 Bragg Blvd. Fayetteville, NC 910.323.1791 ALL TEAM SPORTS          Mention this ad and receive 20% OFF* your next team purchase. *Restrictions apply. “TWO are better than ONE”  5613 Rockfish Road Hope Mills, NC 910.609.1791 can get. But, as I’m always pointing out, countless studies across cultures show that male sexuality is looks-driven, while women evolved to prioritize money and mojo in men. Not surprisingly, in a recent University of Wales study, women found the same man’s face significantly more attractive when he was pictured driving a rich-guy car — a Bentley Continental — than a regular-guy car: the Ford Fiesta hatchback. The interesting thing about this study? When men hot-or-notted the same woman driving the two cars, they found her no more or less attractive in the Bentley than the Fiesta. Men, likewise, aren’t that compelled by a woman’s salary or position, or as author Alain de Botton tweeted, “Yet to be born: the man who slept with a woman principally because she had written a book he liked.” So, what’s with going after the e-mail order girlfriends? That’s for the Rogaine generation: the 48-year-old guy who’s always either working late or working on convincing 28-year-old girls on dating sites that he is 35, really rich, and still has hair (and not just growing out of his nose). You’re in college. Never again will you be in a place so swarming with dateable women — women who’ll want to know stuff like “You goin’ to that kegger?” and “Oh, cool, you’re poli sci, too?” as opposed to “How do you feel about dating a single mother?” Grow a pair and lean over in class and talk to girls. Sure, it’s scary, but nowhere near as scary as spending a month falling for somebody’s “English/Irish looks” online, then looking across a candlelit dinner table at a woman who’s much more English bulldog. (c)2010, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. APRIL 21-27, 2010 UCW 29

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