Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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FEBRUARY 22 - 28, 2017 UCW 27 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM WEEKLY HOROSCOPE ADVICE GODDESS You Deserve A Breakup Today I really appreciated your recent column about people who go through with getting married when they know deep down that they're making a mistake. I'm reminded of the common societal admonishment against being a "quitter." There's this notion that you're some kind of loser if you quit anything — even when logic tells you that you should bow out. This sort of absurd anti-logic is used (with the "marriage takes work" notion) to intimidate people into remaining in marriages that are total failures, which prolongs everyone's suffering. — Been There Many unhappy couples don't split up or are seriously slow to do it out of this notion that quitting is for losers. Couples need to consider whether it's actually possible to work to make their marriage succeed or whether that would take their being two totally different and actually compatible people. As for what "succeeding" in marriage means, let's be honest: In modern society, we have a luxury we never did before — marrying for love and happiness. But, as marriage historian Stephanie Coontz points out, for "thousands of years" — until the late 18th century — "marriage was more about property and politics than personal satisfaction." Two people would get "betrothed" to each other as a way of brokering peace between nations or getting the money to keep land in the family. These days, though, human psychology doesn't make it easy to extricate ourselves. Research by psychologist Elliot Aronson finds that we are prone to "self-justification" — believing whatever puts us in the best light. In other words, we are natural-born spin doctors, driven to protect both our ego and our public persona . There is a psychological tool you can use to combat this. It's "self-compassion" — basically, when you're going through a hard time, treating yourself as kindly as you'd treat someone else who's struggling. Psychologist Kristin Neff, who studies self- compassion, finds that an essential element of this is seeing your "common humanity" —meaning viewing yourself as part of a whole population of flawed, fallible humans. This might help you look charitably on the concept of the "starter marriage." This is a first marriage for a very young couple without kids or many assets that ends in divorce in five years or less. (These are people who went into marriage not knowing themselves or their partner all that well and not really understanding what marriage requires.) Understanding this can help you view your failures less as shameful embarrassments and more as learning experiences that you can use to make better choices in the future. Copyright Amy Alkon NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD The eye- catching Vietnamese model and Playboy (Venezuela edition) Playmate Angie Vu complained to the New York Daily News in April that her five- plus months in jail in Brooklyn have been "torture" and "cruel" because of her lack of access to beauty care. Vu is fighting extradition to France for taking her 9-year-old daughter in violation of the father's custody claim and is locked up until a federal judge rules. Among her complaints: "turning pale" in the "harsh light"; lack of "Guerlain's moisturizer"; inability to look at herself for months (because glass mirrors are prohibited); and "worrying" about being hit on by "lesbians" (thus causing "wrinkles"). At least, she told the reporter, she has found God in jail and passes time reading the Bible. [New York Daily News, 4-26-2016] Unclear Concept "Zero tolerance" claimed another victim, in Charlotte, North Carolina, in April, when Jaden Malone, 12, came to his bullied friend's aid, was knocked down himself and repeatedly punched in the head by the bully, and pushed the boy off of him to avoid further damage — but was himself suspended for three days by his charter school Invest Collegiate. A school official pointed out that the bully got five days, and besides, the policy against "all" physical violence is very clear. (After having Jaden treated for a concussion, his mother promptly withdrew him from the school.) [WJZY-TV (Charlotte), 4-20-2016] England's Brighton and Hove City Council, striving to be progressive, issued a directive to parents of new school students (kids as young as age 4) calling on them to mark the gender identity they prefer — and notes that any child who identifies as other than male or female should leave the space blank and consult with officials individually. (Critics, according to The Sun, expressed that school should be for "developing" such identities without the necessity of declaring them so early in life.) [The Sun, 4-19- 2016] Copyright Chuck Sheppard ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Expect some great luck and happiness in the days ahead, Aries. If you plan on taking a trip, travel will most likely be to a warm-climate destination to soak up the sun. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, you have a reputation of being a great financial strategist. It's time to look over your personal finances and see where you might be able to tighten the reins here and there. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 A partner in your life has become very vocal lately and is not easy to persuade on any topic, Gemini. You have to find a way to reach this person so the relationship can develop. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 You have been working very hard, Cancer, and what you need most right now is an escape. This will happen in time, so don't lose hope. You just need to meet a few deadlines. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Children, involvement in creative projects, or other personal, private life affairs will fill several days, Leo. Serious decisions can be put off for the time being. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, your home and family are on the top of your mind as you enter the week, Virgo. Perhaps you have party details to oversee or travel arrangements to make. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 You always are thinking of others, Libra, but now it's time to think of yourself. Rest if that is what you desire, or plan a move if you need a change of pace. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, this should be a happy week for you with a lot of social interaction among friends. A number of nights out dot your calendar, and you're not apt to miss any. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 As the week opens you could be reassessing everything in your life, from your job to your relationship to your goals. This can be a good time to put any plans into motion, Sagittarius. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 There is a chance you may be in touch with medical personnel this week, Capricorn. It will not have to do directly to you, but maybe a call for a friend or family member. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, it's hard to mistake your allure right now. If you are single, others will really notice you this week. If you're attached, you will get more attention from your partner. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 This could be a memorable month for your career, Pisces. You have the ability to get the attention of some very important people. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard Your opinion is something we always want to hear. Call or email us your feedback. WE'RE ALL EARS Questions? Comments? Story Ideas? Let us know how we're doing. 208 Rowan St. Fayetteville, NC 28301 910.484.6200 www.upandcomingweekly.com