Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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OCTOBER 19-25, 2016 UCW 27 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM WEEKLY HOROSCOPE ADVICE GODDESS Talk Dirt-Cheap To Me My husband of a year is very tight with cash. It's always save, save, save. I recently traded in my car, and I needed $1,000 more for the new one, but he never offered to give it to me. My parents ended up paying it. I make my own money, but not a lot, and I'm wondering what kind of financial arrangement makes sense in a marriage. — Confused Like a lot of women, you may assume that whatever subtle emotional cues you can read, men can also read. However, research by social psychologist Judith A. Hall finds that women are far better than men at spotting and decoding nonverbal signals in facial expressions and body language. So, yes, if you want something from your husband, you do have to put that out there in spoken-word form. But beyond that, you two need to sit down and hammer out a fiscal policy for your relationship — where the lines get drawn on "yours"/"mine"/"ours" and "what if one of us has a financial crisis and needs an alternative to, oh, stealing a mule to get to work every day?" In coming up with this policy, it's important to go beyond the cold dollars-and- cents view and discuss each other's attitudes surrounding money, especially any issues and fears. Then, when there's a conflict, each of you can maybe start with a little compassion for the other's point of view. It also might help to understand that our views about money are influenced by genetics and what behavioral ecologists call our "life history strategy" — a term that relates to whether our upbringing was stable and "safe" or risky and unpredictable. Child development researcher Jay Belsky and his colleagues find that a stable childhood environment tends to lead to a more future- oriented approach (saving, for example), whereas, say, growing up ducking gunfire or just having divorced parents and getting moved around a lot tends to lead to a more now-oriented approach (spendorama!). Whatever your past, going off into the sunset being chased by creditors can be a marriage killer. Family studies researcher Jeffrey Dew finds that married couples with a bunch of "consumer debt" (owing on credit cards, loans for consumer goods, and past-due bills) fight more about everything — from sex to chores to in-laws. And research by sociologist Carolyn Vogler, among others, finds that couples who pool their money (like their money got married, too!) tend to be happier. I would guess that the spirit in this is important — going all in financially…"us against the world!" instead of, "If you lose your job and can't pay your share of the rent, don't worry, baby. I'll help you pitch your tent on the front lawn." Copyright Amy Alkon NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Large kidney stones typically mean eye- watering pain and sudden urinary blockage until the stone "passes" (often requiring expensive sound-wave treatment to break up a large stone). Michigan State University urologist David Wartinger told The Atlantic in September that he had recently happened upon a pain-free — even exciting! — way to pass stones before they become problems: the centripetal force from a roller coaster ride. In a 200-trip experiment preparing for a validating "human" trial, he successfully passed stones in his hand- held, silicone model kidney (using his own urine) about two-thirds of the time when sitting in a rear seat at Disney World's Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. [The Atlantic, September 2016] Perspective With about 30 states having adopted some form of "stand your ground" defense to assault (or murder) charges, five membership organizations, charging up to $40 a month, have signed up a half-million gun owners concerned that law enforcement treat them fairly should they someday be forced to shoot — providing instructions and a "hot line" to coach members on what to tell police, plus liability insurance and help getting a lawyer. Critics say such organizations are also useful to those who might be prone to shooting people and want advice on how best to get away with it. The U.S. Concealed Carry organization's wallet-sized card, to give to police, asks that the shooter under suspicion be given the same consideration as the officers might give to their own colleagues under suspicion. [Tampa Bay Times, 9-16- 2016] In a dozen YouTube videos recently released, Syria's Tourism Ministry praised the country's sandy, fun- filled beaches as ideal vacation spots and its many World Heritage Sites as renowned tourist exhibits — attempting to distract world travelers from the country's daily bloodshed (and the wartime destruction of those priceless historical sites). Before civil war broke out in 2011, Syria was a fashionable, $8 billion-a-year destination (and the now-devastated city of Aleppo was known worldwide for its food). [Washington Post, 9-2- 2016] COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, it is not possible to postpone the inevitable this week. It is better to get right into action and tackle anything that comes your way promptly. Resisit the urge to procrastinate. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Do your best to keep handling some pressure in your professional life, Taurus. You may be in for a few more days of scrutiny, but your performance will be appreciated. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, when working with a group, understand that everyone is in it together and that there is no reason to try to trump another person's victory. Everyone will share the glory. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Expect to be hard at work tackling an important professional project, Cancer. While you might be able to handle it solo, don't hesitate to call in reinforcements. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, a conflict today might be seen as a valuable learning experience tomorrow. Look for the silver lining in any situation that appears to be heading in the wrong direction. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Trivial things may get blown out of proportion in the coming days, Virgo. Try your best to concentrate on work and let meaningless distractions fall by the wayside. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, a flexible attitude may open the door to some wonderful opportunities that present themselves at the most unexpected times. Keep an open mind. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Allow your emotional intensity to subside for a bit, Scorpio. The future is looking brighter now that you have made some major overhauls in your life. Keep the momentum going. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, trust your instincts this week. You harbor some passionate feelings about certain things, so try to voice those feelings to the people who will be affected by them. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Secrecy will not work for you, Capricorn. Come up with a different strategy this week. It can sometimes be uncomfortable, but honesty is always the best policy. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Some emotional storm clouds have finally started to clear out, Aquarius. Your mind is open to possibilities that were previously hidden. It's time to make some serious choices. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, take your time when mulling an important decision. Only you will know how much time you need, so don't allow others to pressure you. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard