Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: http://www.epageflip.net/i/718065
AUGUST 24-30, 2016 UCW 31 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM WEEKLY HOROSCOPE ADVICE GODDESS Shaggedy Ann When I was in my 20s, watching Sex and the City, I saw the Samantha Jones character as a sexual role model — thinking I could have love-'em-and-leave-'em sex like her. However, even when I only wanted sex, I always had a sense of loss when one- nighters didn't evolve into something more. I reflected on this while reading your recent column about how women often wake up after casual sex wanting more from a guy — even a guy they don't want. But I personally know two women who prefer casual sex. They have it often and don't get attached. Why can they do this? — Not Teflon There are those women who, in bringing some himbo home for a hookup, really go that extra mile — taking a lot of turns on the way so he'll never again find his way back to their apartment. Understanding what allows the Samantha type to escape this takes separating the women who have casual sex from those who feel okay about it afterward. Women have casual sex for various reasons. Personality seems to be one of those factors. However, once again, all the reasons a woman's more likely to have casual sex don't stop her from getting tangled up in feelings afterward. The deciding factor seems to be where she falls on what the late British psychiatrist John Bowlby called our "attachment system." According to Bowlby, how you relate in close relationships — "securely," "anxiously," or "avoidantly" — appears to stem from how well your mother (or other primary caregiver) sussed out and responded to your needs and freakouts as an infant. If she was consistently responsive (but not overprotective), you're probably "securely attached," meaning you have a solid emotional base and feel you can count on others to be there for you. This allows you to be both independent and interdependent. Being "anxiously attached" comes out of having a caregiver who was inconsistently there for you (perhaps because they were worn thin) or who was overprotective. This leads to fear and clinginess in relationships. And finally, being "avoidantly attached" is a response to a cold, rejecting caregiver. Not surprisingly,the avoidantly attached tend to adapt by becoming people who push other people away. It's avoidantly attached women who social psychologist Phillip Shaver and his colleagues find can have casual sex without emotional intimacy — and, in fact, tend to see their "discard after using" attitude as a point of pride. (It sounds better to be a "sexual shopaholic" than a person with unresolved psychological problems.) Copyright Amy Alkon NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD The late fashion designer Alexander McQueen (who dabbled in macabre collections, himself), might appreciate the work of acolyte Tina Gorjanc: She will grow McQueen's skin (from DNA off his hair) in a lab, add back his tattoos, and from that make leather handbags and jackets. Gorjanc, a recent graduate of McQueen's fashion school alma mater, bills the project mainly as showcasing the meager legal protections for abandoned bits of human DNA -- and fears industrial use of such DNA on a much larger scale. [Quartz, 7-16-2016] War Is Hell Jihadists had a rough year militarily and now suffer further from an array of field reports (such as a new book by retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn) that their most sensitive laptop computers captured in battle by U.S. forces seemed always to be loaded with pornography — including "vile" material involving kids and animals. (Initially, said one analyst, there was so much porn that U.S. intelligence figured its purpose was only to disguise tactical messages within the sex-scene pixels.) On the other hand, jihadists can claim one victory, in that the actor Michael Caine said recently the terrorist-caused airport discomforts had finally convinced him to legally change his name to "Michael Caine" — after tiring of explaining to screeners why he had Maurice Micklewhite's (his birth name's) passport. [ABC News, 7-14- 2016] [The Guardian, 7-22-2016] Awkward Flirtations For Some Reason, Ladies Turned Them Down: (1) Patrick Marsh, 59, was charged with indecent exposure in Woodward Township, Pennsylvania, in July after he rang the doorbell of a 30-year-old female neighbor seeking, as he told police, "courtship." He greeted the woman naked, "with his genitals in his hands." (2) In Florida's The Villages senior community, Howard Sparber, 69, faces several charges after having, in June, fired 33 9mm rounds into the home of a woman who had been declining his sexual overtures. (The lady was away.) (3) John Taylor, 57, said he was just lonely and wanted to meet women when a court sentenced him in Shirley, England, in July, for a three- month spree of furtively slipping men's underwear through various women's house letterboxes. [PennLive.com, 7-12- 2016] [WKMG-TV (Orlando), 6-21-2016] [Birmingham Mail, 7-26-2016] COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Everyone recognizes your ambition this week, Aries. Channel your energy constructively and don't be ashamed to pursue your goals so strongly. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, tackle some slow and steady work this week rather than trying to be innovative or unique. There will be a time to innovate later on. Right now you need to prove yourself. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, you are in the mood to get started on something new over the next few days. Think about some tasks you have been putting off and develop a plan to address them. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, take an intellectual approach to solving a problem that has been bothering you for quite some time. Ask a friend for advice if you find you need some help. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, approaching someone who has not done his or her share of the work can be difficult. Tread gently because this person may have been distracted by something more pressing. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Your big ideas are highly valued, Virgo. Let others know what you are thinking and you may find that even more people are receptive to your ideas than you initially thought. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, things have been going your way for some time now. It's exciting waiting for whatever is just around the corner. This unanticipated good fortune is just what you need. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Open yourself up to a new way of thinking, Scorpio. While your way of doing things may be right most of the time, adopting a fresh perspective may help you see things more clearly. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, try doing something on the spur of the moment. Spotaneity may give you a rush that you may not have felt in some time. This could be just the excitement you need right now. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Try to meet some new people, Capricorn. Add to your collection of networking contacts, which will help further both your professional and personal lives. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, relax when a stressful situation presents itself. Add some humor to the situation so you and others can handle it in the most positive way possible. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, if others are uninterested in being social, find creative ways to enjoy some alone time. This may include music or artwork. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard