Up & Coming Weekly

April 26, 2016

Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.

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6 APRIL 27 - MAY 3, 2016 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM In 1944, President Frank- lin Roosevelt introduced what has become known as the Second Bill of Rights. Among those rights, he declared that all Ameri- cans have the right to a job. But with the poverty and unemployment rate in our community well above the federal and state averages, we are falling short. Nobody wants to see our neighbors struggle, which is why there is a government safety net to help those who cannot help themselves and to catch those who have fallen onto bad times. But the problem with nets is that once you are caught in them, it can be difficult to get out. During the last few months I have been touting what I call The Prosperity Ladder. The purpose of the ladder is to provide a path out of poverty and despair. At the bottom of the ladder is a complete dependence on the government for food, shelter and medical services. At the top of the ladder is complete independence. The first rung on the prosperity ladder is to have a job. Regardless of whether you are a landscaper, electrician or lawyer, employment instills a feeling of pride and accomplishment. Employment provides income and benefits. Employment provides job experience and education that will result in promotions and better opportunities. Employment can lead to owning your own home and saving for your family's future. Employment is the start up the ladder to complete independence and prosperity. I have spoken at length about the need to transform our community to an environment that is business friendly with policies that support the growth of our existing local businesses and are attractive to new companies. But what I have learned recently is that it takes more than simply creating new jobs in order to put people to work and lower the poverty level in our community. In preparation for my state Senate campaign, I have spoken with dozens of local business owners about their issues and was shocked by what I heard. Most stated that they had job vacancies they were unable to fill. In fact, our community has a desperate need for skills such as truck drivers, electricians, plumbers, A/C mechan - ics, sheet metal fabricators and nurses, just to name a few. So why do we have such high poverty when so many good paying jobs are available? The truth that nobody wants to talk about is that even though we have the RIGHT to work, some lack the WILL. The net of government dependency strangles those in poverty and many don't know how to get out. Frustration builds and hope fades. The safety net no longer helps people up; instead, it holds them down. There is a problem when a person who wants to start the journey up the ladder by getting an entry-level job has less access to food, shelter and medical care than those who aren't even willing to work. There is a problem when a single mother cannot afford to work because of childcare expenses. There is a problem when someone cannot get assistance to obtain a commercial drivers license in order to start a job next month but can get assistance to work towards a college degree that takes two to four years. So as we enter campaign season, don't be blinded by smoke screens about how ei - ther bringing in new companies, raising minimum wage or increasing government benefits will solve our local poverty crisis. Instead of good sound bites, we need to focus on a real solution, one that transforms the safety net into a trampoline to help our neighbors bounce back up. One that reignites pride and the will to work. Poverty isn't a partisan issue, it is a humanity issue. As President Kennedy said, "Let's not seek the Republican answer or Democrat answer, but the right answer". Don't you just hate it when you open door number three and demons pop out? Just like in a 1950s horror movie, those wacky guys in their white scientist coats are about to unleash a new demon-infested apocalypse on us. For once, I am not talking about the outcome of the upcoming Republican Presidential convention, which will produce its own slew of troubles. The evil about to be loosed upon the world is coming from the European Organiza - tion for Nuclear Research, better know by its acronym CERN and its cultish followers, the CERNITES. As you may recall, CERN has a really neat toy, the Large Hadron Collider. The Collider is a 17-mile-long loop that the CERNITES use to accelerate little bitty atomic particles to nearly the speed of light. Then they smash them together to see what happens. Remember when you were a kid and had an electric train set? What was more fun than smashing two trains together? Zoom, Zoom, Crash! Derail! Joe Baldwin the headless train conductor morphs into the Maco light after the train wreck. Crash 'em up and watch out. The Large Hadron Collider sits along the French-Swiss border like a giant electric train set. Except instead of wrecking Lionel trains, the Collider smashes subatomic particles together into a cosmic grilled cheese sandwich to see what pops out. The CERNITES using the collider have already confirmed the existence of the Higgs Boson. Even though a Higgs Boson sounds like Gilligan's rank on the SS Minnow, it is actually part of dark matter that holds the universe together. The Collider is about to be fired up once again to mess with the universe. As the Chif - fon Margarine Fairy once said, "It's not nice to fool Mother Nature." The Conspir- acy Wizards of the Internet have figured out that the CERNITES are planning to use the collider to open up a gateway to hell — or at least another dimension — to release who knows what onto the Earth. You can Google it. If something is on the Internet, it must be true. Even the Wall Street Journal had a recent article weigh- ing in on CERN's flirtation with doom. The Wizards have interpreted the clues of the evil plans of the CERNITES. On the CERN campus stands a statue of Shiva the Hindu god of destruction. Remem- ber what Robert Oppenheimer, the daddy of the atomic bomb said when he saw the first test explosion of the bomb? He quoted another Hindu god saying: "Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." The Wizards ciphered because Shiva has her own statute at CERN that the scientists in white coats are not good guys in white hats. They are planning on unleashing something wicked this way comes. The Wizards point out that the CERN logo is actually a stylized version of 666 which is the sign of the anti-Christ. What could go wrong with a multi billion-dollar ecumenical scientific organiza- tion that honors Shiva and the anti-Christ? The Wizards are worried that the next blast of the Collider will open a door to another dimension. No less an authority on science and demonology than Sergio Bertollucci, CERN's former Director for Re- search and Scientific Computing, made the statement to a British tabloid that "the Collider could open other worldly doors to another dimension for 'a very tiny lapse of time' mere fractions of seconds that may be just enough time "to peer into this open door, either by getting something out of it or sending something into it." Yikes! What might come out of the interdimensional door the CERNITES will open? Let us ponder the possibilities. First on the list of creepy visitors coming through the door will be flocks of demons who are the primary goal of the CERN cultists. Shiva herself may appear. Hordes of Democratic Super Delegates may pour out. Representatives of the NCAA bearing sanctions for UNC's basketball and football teams may escape into our dimension. Godot himself may end the wait and finally appear. Bernie Sanders' free everything will probably jump out at us. Hillary Clinton's lost emails of the apoca - lypse will reappear. Ted Cruz's missing personal charm may lunge into view. Ten thousand FaceBook posts attacking and defending House Bill 2 may come tumbling out of the breach. North Korea's Dear Leader Kim Jung Un may appear wearing a Speedo. Shere Khan the Tiger may cough up a ball of Donald Trump's hair. Dook's twin basketball devils, Christian Laettner and Grayson Allen may come in tripping the light fantastic when the jaws of Hell open wide. The last 4.7 seconds of the UNC - Villanova game may reappear over and over again. The horror. The horror. Fasten your seat belts. It's gonna be a bumpy night. We Opened the Portal to Hell by PITT DICKEY Who knows what secrets the hadron collider holds? PITT DICKEY. Columnist. COMMENTS? Editor@upandcomin- gweekly.com. 910.484.6200. The Ugly Truth About Poverty: Job Creation Alone Isn't Enough by DAN TRAVIESO OPINION DAN TRAVIESO. N.C. Sen- ate candidate. COMMENTS? Editor@upandcomingweekly.com. 910.484.6200. Our community has a desperate need for skills such as truck drivers, electricians, plumbers, A/C mechanics, sheet metal fabricators and nurses.

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