Up & Coming Weekly

August 25, 2015

Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.

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AUGUST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2015 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS You Luddite Up My Life My boyfriend will text if he's running late but says texting "isn't real communication." He says that if I need to talk, I should call him. I get that anything serious should be discussed via phone. However, we live separately, and sometimes I just want to reach out in a small way with a funny photo or a word or two and get a word or two back. When he doesn't respond or grudgingly responds a day later, I get more and more hurt and angry and want to break up with him. I know he cares about me. Am I being unreasonable? — Upset There are many who share your boyfriend's techno-snobbery, claiming that texting isn't "real communication." But say one person texts "i love u" and the other texts back, "k." That communicates plenty. It's one thing if you're sending him iTunes user agreement-length texts and expecting him to text back in kind. But this sort of texted "yoo-hoo!" you're sending him is one of the seemingly unimportant reach-outs that relationships researcher John Gottman calls "bids for connection." These "bids" are attempts — often made in small and mundane ways — to get your partner's attention, affection, humor or support. Gottman observes that these are effectively little "trust tests" leading to "a tiny turning point — an opportunity, or a lost opportunity, for connection." In a study by Gottman and cognitive psychologist Janice Driver, the newlyweds who remained married to their partners six years later were the responsive ones — those who had "turned toward" their partner's bids, on average, 86 percent of the time. Those who'd responded only 33 percent of the time were divorced by the six-year mark. Explain the "bid for connection" thing so your boyfriend can understand why it's so important that he come through for you — or, rather, 4 u. But also keep in mind, as I write in Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck, that "technology makes a nearly instant response possible; it doesn't mandate it." Let him know that you aren't looking to start some relationship reign of terror It's just that seeing him making an effort would mean a lot to you. It's also the sort of thing that keeps romance alive. In this case, it's those three little…uh, letters — LOL — after you text him a cat with a gunslinger mustache or a dachshund in a lobster suit. Copyright AMY ALKON WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD "The worshipful treatment of pets may be the thing that unites all Americans," wrote an Atlantic Magazine blogger in July, describing the luxury terminal for animals under construction at New York's JFK airport. The ARK will offer shower stalls for traveling horses, "conjugal stations" for ever-horny penguins and housing for nearly 200 cows (that might produce 5,000 pounds of manure every day) — and passengers traveling with dogs or cats can book the Paradise 4 Paws pet-pampering resort. The ARK is a for-profit venture; said one industry source, quoted in a July Crain's New York Business report, "You hear stories about the crazy money that rich people spend on their (animals) ... they're mostly true." [Crain's New York Business, 7-13-2015] [CityLab.com, 7-20- 2015] Government in Action Officially, now, it is "unreasonable" for a federal agency (the Bureau of Land Management, in this instance) to fail to say yes or no for 29 years to a drilling permit application. (Before July's federal court decision, BLM had been arguing that 29 years was not too long.) A company had requested to drill just one exploratory well in Montana for natural gas in 1985, but the bureau had delayed the proceeding six times since then. The judge ordered the bureau to set a deadline for deciding. [Washington Post, 7-29-2015] Georgia, one of six states that make taxpayers shell out huge fees to access its databases of public records, tries so relentlessly to control its archive that, recently, in a federal lawsuit, it said opposition to its policy was basically "terrorism." Activists (Public. Resource.org) have been establishing workarounds to free up some databases for citizen use, and Georgia demands that they stop. Georgia even claims "copyright" protection for one category of important legal documents that were initially drafted by state bureaucrats, audaciously calling them "original" and "creative" works. [Los Angeles Times, 7-27-2015] Mandatory Inaction: In July, the mayor of the town of Ador, Spain (pop. 1,400), officially enacted into law what had merely been custom — a required afternoon siesta from 2 to 5 p.m. Businesses were ordered to close, and children were to remain indoors (and quiet). [The Local (Madrid), 7-16-2015] COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, your mind is racing a mile a minute. Although it may be challenging, you have to find a way to slow down and focus on one thing for the time being. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, put some thought into your long-term financial goals. Planning now will help you realize your goals down the road. Don't put off a meeting with your advisor. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, you will get another crack at an opportunity that recently passed you by. Just be patient and prepare for the chance that awaits you in the near future. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 You need to find ways to relax, Cancer. Schedule time to unwind, whether it is dancing, listening to music or practicing yoga. Make the most of your elevated energy levels. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, you have a lot on your plate at the moment, so shelve some immediate plans you had. Right now you don't have the time to devote to them. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, continue to work hard and rewards will come to you in the professional arena. Your hard work has not gone unnoticed, and soon this will be made clear to you. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, you are anxious to announce plans for a new chapter in your life. But you might want to table your enthusiasm for the time being until these plans are confirmed. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Your ideas carry a lot of weight at your job and within your circle of friends, Scorpio. This week you may be called on to come up with a few new thoughts on getting things done. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, understand that others do not necessarily have your thick skin. Consider your words carefully before delivering some constructive criticism to a friend or loved one. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, your attention to detail can make your projects take much longer than others', but that's what separates you from the pack. If it's worth doing, it is worth doing right. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Words come easily to you this week, Aquarius. It may be worth your while to negotiate a raise or debate an issue that has been bothering you lately. Your point of view will be heard. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, you may know how someone close to you is feeling even before they confide in you. Your intuition is on fire this week. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard

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