Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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16 UCW JULY 29 - AUGUST 4, 2015 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM Remember when Seth McFarlane used to be cool? I wish he could be cool again. Family Guy is still fine family fun, but his feature films are rolling steadily downhill. Case in point: Ted 2 (115 minutes). What worked in the first film makes the sequel limp along like an off-off-Broadway play that closes halfway through its second act. I wanted to like Ted 2. And I'll even admit it made me laugh several times. But after checking my watch for the fourth time, I have to wonder if maybe McFarlane should go back to the half-hour format he's really good at. Narrator Patrick Stewart reminds us that a young boy's wish turned his teddy bear into a liv- ing, breathing best friend. Then the film zooms in on the marriage of Ted (McFarlane) and Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth), with Sam "The Flash" Jones as the officiant. In a commentary on what happens once the wedding gifts stop looking new, the two immedi- ately begin acting out a more violent version of The Honeymooners. Because McFarlane thinks spousal abuse is funny, this scene goes on far too long. Meanwhile, Mila Kunis was sent to her room to think about what she'd done after starring in Jupiter Ascending, and couldn't be in this film. This means that as Ted and Tami-Lynn are getting married, John Bennett (Mark Walhberg) is brooding over his recent divorce and the time he wasted trying to get over his Peter Pan complex for her benefit. Because clearly, her expectations that he act like a grown man were completely unreasonable. Ted and Tami-Lynn decide that the perfect solution to their failing marriage is a baby. Since Ted is neu- tered like a Ken doll, they try to get Sam Jones to father their child. When that doesn't work out they concoct an elaborate scheme to steal Tom Brady's sperm, in a bizarre non-starter of a plotline that seems more like something The League could make funny. Obviously, that was never going to work out, so finally Ted goes with the obvious solution and gets John to volunteer. This is nothing more than a lengthy set-up for sperm-based humor, none of which is really grounded in any sort of reality. Be more clever, McFarlane! Your best insane jokes always came from a heightened awareness of the absurd and a willingness to completely ignore social acceptability. Dumping sperm on Mark Walhberg for a laugh is just lazy. Ultimately, the whole artificial insemination plotline fizzles out because Tami-Lynn is infertile. This leads them to the adoption agency, where their inquiries raise red flags regarding the legal status of Ted. Since he is officially considered a plaything, the state annuls his marriage and he loses his job. It seems bizarre that this has never come up before, what with all the publicity regarding his existence, followed by all the publicity related to Donny (Giovanni Ribisi) kidnapping him, but whatever. Speaking of Donny, he's back, and taking up space in a B plot involving kidnapping Ted for the CEO of a Hasbro (John Carroll Lynch). If you watch carefully, you can actually see the moment that Lynch realizes how bad the film is and completely stops trying to act. It is a very sad moment. While the B plot soaks time, Ted and John pursue legal options to confirm Ted's humanity. There are some laughs to be had comparing Samantha Leslie Jackson's (Amanda Seyfried) eyes to the eyes of Gollum, but the courtroom scenes are more point- less than most. Not even John Slattery as the lead prosecutor makes them bearable. Overall, I expected better. The funniest part of the film is set at N.Y. ComicCon, with Patrick Warburton and Michael Dorn as a cosplaying couple. But really, Michael Dorn looks like he might cry the whole time. Now Playing at Patriot 14 + IMAX. Diminished Returns Ted 2 (Rated R) . by HEATHER GRIFFITHS HEATHER GRIFFITHS, Contributing Writer. COMMENTS? Editor@ upandcomingweekly.com. 910.484.6200. • As a full service dealer we have over 50 trailer units for sale in various sizes, colors and options for any of your hauling needs. • Elite dealer for Forest River Trailers as well as other brands like dump, enclosed, pull behind and many more. 910-424-7660 910-424-7660 We also have tires available for your trailer needs. Est. 2011 www.diamondtrailersales.com • We also have trailer tires available for your trailer needs. 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