Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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APRIL 29-MAY 5, 2015 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Eat, Pray You'll Shut up, Love I've always been a feelings stuffer, but I've been reading about vulnerability creating intimacy, blah, blah, blah, so I'm trying to be an open book. Though my boyfriend appreciates this, he keeps telling me there's a line between expressiveness and my making everything an emotional issue to be hashed out. He last said this when I confessed that I had Googled his ex-girlfriend and felt threatened by how pretty she is. Should I have kept that to myself? — Open Vulnerability shouldn't be a fancy word for "everything you say or do hurts my feelings." This Carnival Of Insecurities presented as problems for your boyfriend to solve turns his life with you into a never-ending emotional chorewheel. This isn't to say you're wrong to look to your boyfriend for soothing. But before you press a problem on him, ask yourself how it would affect him, whether he can fix it and whether it's really his business to know. Not all feelings are made for sharing. People think that keeping romance alive takes a $10,000-a-night Spanish castle package, complete with moonlight carriage rides with an aria-singing Placido Domingo jogging behind. But it's actually the mundane daily stuff that matters — how you and your partner respond to each other's seemingly unimportant remarks and gestures. It turns out that telling your partner "I can't find the salt shaker anywhere" isn't just an expression about a lost object; it's what marriage researcher John Gottman calls a "bid for connection." In a study Gottman did with newlyweds, he found that the ones still married six years later were overwhelmingly those who consistently engaged with their partner and met those "bids" with "turn-towards." Turning toward a partner means being responsive — soothing, encouraging, supportive or maybe just showing interest. This involves, for example, replying to your partner's remark about the lost salt shaker — even with "I hate when that happens!" rather than "Lemme finish this 'Minecraft' session" or saying nothing at all. This "turning toward" thing is something you and your boyfriend can each do. Think of it as treating each other like you haven't forgotten you love each other. It's smart relationship policy and smart life policy — wiser than getting in the habit of responding to a partner's "I'm starting a machete collection" with "That's nice, dear." AMY ALKON Copyright 2015 WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD In March, offensive lineman John Urschel of the Baltimore Ravens added to his curriculum vitae by co-authoring the latest of his several peer-reviewed academic articles — "A Cascadic Multigrid Algorithm for Computing the Fiedler Vector of Graph Laplacians" in the Journal of Computational Mathematics. If Urschel can understand, and even advance, tangled, obtuse formulas (which use familiar numbers, e.g., 1, 2, 3, and Greek letters such as phi, lambda, and sigma — lots of sigmas), why is he a football player, he asked himself on the Players Tribune website. "There's a rush you get when you go out on the field and physically dominate the player across from you." He added, "I love hitting people." [Bloomberg Business, 3-20-2015] Great Art The National Gallery of Australia hosted a special series of tours of "James Turrell: A Retrospective" in early April — in which all guests were nude. The tours were staged by Australian artist Stuart Ringholt, who introduced the concept earlier at the Museum of Contemporary Art (and was nude, himself, for the Turrell show, though other gallery staff remained clothed). The post-tour cocktail reception was also in the nude. [ABC News, 3-26-2015] The Australian "abstract expressionist" Aelita Andre began painting "professionally" at age 9 months, said her parents, and by 22 months had her own exhibit at Melbourne's Brunswick Street gallery, and by age 4, the paintbrush-armed toddler had enjoyed a $24,000 sale. She has now also distinguished herself as an "artist" of another type while explaining her approach. In April, the now-8-year-old told News.com.au, "I interpret my style of painting as a magic, abstract universe. It doesn't sit in one tiny sphere in all realism; it goes out and it explores the world." She acknowledged seeing things (e.g., "rabbits") that an 8-year-old might, but pointed out that she also sees "the cosmos." "I just feel free. I don't feel locked up in a tiny world." [News.com.au (Sydney), 4-7- 2015] Wait, What? In March, two men serving time for anti- gay murders became the first same-sex couple allowed to get married behind bars in Britain, at the Full Sutton Prison in East Yorkshire. The romance blossomed after the two men (Marc Goodwin, 31, serving life, and pedophile Mikhail Gallatinov, 40, who is eligible for release sooner) met at the prison library, and the wedding party included four relatives of the two killers. [Daily Telegraph, 3-29-2015] Copyright Chuck Sheppard 2015 ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, now is a great time to take a chance and try something new. Something different may be just what you need to get back in the swing of things. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 A big change may be looming, Taurus. Think about leaving your comfort zone and trying an adventure. You never know what the experience will bring. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 There's a lot to accomplish right now, Gemini, but distractions seem to turn up just when you get on track. Try to keep your attention focused on the tasks at hand. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 You tend to gravitate toward leadership roles, Cancer. That can pack on the pressure, and sometimes you need a break. Choose this week to stand on the sidelines. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, even though you're excited about a planned getaway, you're also a little apprehensive about leaving home for long. Shake off such feelings and enjoy the time away. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, trust your own instincts when an unusual situation arises. Others will offer advice, but you will be most satisfied if you go with your gut. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, a friend reenters your life this week and you are better for it. Enjoy this rekindled friendship and set aside some time to catch up and share a few laughs. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, be alert at work this week, as a great opportunity may be coming your way and you want to be prepared. Supervisors will like that you're on your toes. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, your excitement over an upcoming revelation has you wondering how long you can keep a secret. Hang in there a few more days, and all will work out just fine. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, it is finally time to take a well- deserved rest. Make the most of this time to get some R&R as your schedule might be hectic once more in just a few days. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, put yourself first this week, even if you have a lot of things on your plate. If you're not at your best, you will not be able to help others, so take some time for yourself. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, an unlikely source provides all of the inspiration you need this week. Be thankful to have such a person in your life. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard Teen wellness information & resources Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month - May 2015 FREE Admission Open to the Public Door Prizes & Refreshments (910) 433-3705 tbarfield@co.cumberland.nc.us Brought to you by South View High School 4184 Elk Road Hope Mills Thursday, May 7 6 p.m. co.cumberland.nc.us/health If you would like more information about the Cumberland County Department of Public Health's programs and services, health-related data, or community resources, please call 910-433-3600 or visit with someone at the information desk or visit our website at co.cumberland.nc.us/health.aspx#. Comments are welcome and can be submitted on our website at co.cumberland.nc.us/health/comment_form.aspx. The Health Department is located at 1235 Ramsey St. in Fayetteville. Buck Wilson, Public Health Director. Accredited by the North Carolina Local Health Department Accreditation Board