even in 1979, was a cheap bottle of wine. He then had the audacity to ask the wait- er to make sure that our priceless vin- tage was served at "cellar temperature." The waiter, wearing an expression of
bemused detachment, politely informed him that they did not have a wine cellar, but that he would do his best to honor the request. That night, we discovered that extreme embarrassment at some- one's boorish behavior will not kill you. We also discovered a new family joke, one that we use to this very day: we al- ways refer to our wine as being chilled to "cellar temperature," unless we are actually ordering it in a restaurant. Perhaps my favorite unforgettable
moment in dining occurred in a posh restaurant. We were in San Francisco on business, and one of our traveling companions had made reservations in a very trendy restaurant, so trendy, in fact, that there was no name on the door and no menu. Apparently, the menu was dictated by the chef 's mood on any given night. Aſter eating what looked and tast-
ed like baked leaves and dirt, we were served our dessert — a raspberry souf- flé topped with some unpronounceable sauce. As the waiter put our dishes on the table, he placed his fingers on his lips and said, "Sssh…can't you hear the soufflé weeping?" (I am not making up any of this.) While I did not hear the soufflé weep-
ing, I did hear my stomach rumbling for some real food. We stopped at a Burger King on the way back to the hotel and ordered a double Whopper with extra cheese. Now THAT'S a meal. And so, dear readers, as the holiday
season draws us once again to the table with our family and friends, let us focus on the things that really matter: always watch out for exploding cabbage; never fire meatballs from a cannon; always drink your wine, especially the cheap stuff, at cellar temperature; and, above all, always listen closely so that you can hear the soufflé weeping. CV
Mary Zahran can be reached by email at maryzahran@yahoo.com.
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