Up & Coming Weekly

March 03, 2015

Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.

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MARCH 4-10, 2015 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Hope Fiend I met this man a few years ago, and it was like a thunderbolt struck us — the stuff movies are made of. He told me that his female roommate was just a friend. We went on a few dates before I realized she was actually his girlfriend. He promised that they were going to break up, so I hung around for a bit, but of course it never happened. Last year, I ran into him, and he said he was no longer with that woman and wanted to date me. I turned him down flat because I figured that if he was going to lie and cheat on her, then he would do the same to me. I'm kicking myself now because I have never met anyone like him. Is it really "once a cheater, always a cheater," or could it be different for us? I have to put this to bed in my mind because I can't stop thinking I missed out on "the one." — Opportunity Lost You showed presence of mind in drop-kicking "the one" — the one who, before long, would have been in a bar telling some woman that you're just his "roommate." But now your loneliness is telling your logic to put a sock in it, luring you into a common error in evaluating risk that behavioral economists call "optimism bias." This is best explained as the "I'm special!" bias and involves the unrealistic thinking that the bad things that befall other people will see us and go, "Nuh-uh…no way…not her!" Though we know — usually from painful experience — that character change is hard (and rare), optimism bias leads us to flirt with bright ideas like "Maybe he's done with the cheating!" It's probably easier to think that now, not having seen him for a while. And the reality is, even serial killers sometimes go dormant. This shouldn't be taken as a sign that they've grown weary of cutting up the neighbors and storing them in Ziploc bags in their freezer. Real change, when it happens, comes with signs there's been a transformation — like expressions of deep remorse and change in a person's moral standards. Character change is revealed through action — over time. Sure, you could keep this guy at arm's length for a year while you observe his behavior. Or, instead of hoping against hope for character change, you could opt for a change of characters, as in getting out there and meeting new men. Should you fall back into feeling wistful about this guy, remind yourself of German psychoanalyst and philosopher Erich Fromm's thinking that love isn't just "a feeling"; it's something you do (in this guy's case, to more than one woman at a time). Or as one of my other favorite 20th-century philosophers, a Dr. E. Fudd, put it, "Good widdance to bad wubbish." AMY ALKON copyright 2015 WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD A Saratoga Springs, New York, resort has begun accepting totally defeated husbands and wives for a relaxed weekend that includes divorce, bringing to America a concept already successful in six European cities. The Gideon Putnam Resort & Spa charges $5,000 for a couple to check in on a Friday, married, but leave Sunday officially single (complete with all legal niceties and various resort amenities, including, of course, separate rooms). Even though the couple must be fairly level-headed to accept this approach, the facility manager expressed concern that since the resort also books weddings, the "uncouplers" might inadvertently witness difficult scenes. (Gideon Putnam has hosted four divorces so far, but, said the European founder of the package service, "hundreds" of couples have used the services in Europe.) [New York Post, 2-10-2015] Weird Science Another Animal With a Worse Sex Life Than Yours: No organism has it tougher than the male South- East Asian coin spider, according to research reported by New Scientist in January. It is somehow driven to mate with a female up to four times larger who is almost as driven to eat the male as to mate. After insemination, the male impulsively fights off other males' attempts to disrupt the conception, and that means becoming a more nimble fighter, achieved, according to Matjaz Kuntner of the Slovenian Academy of the Arts and Sciences, by biting off its own genitals, since that organ comprises about one-tenth the spider's body weight. [New Scientist, 1-16-2015] Because We Can: Scientists at the University of California, Irvine (with Australian partners) announced in January that they had figured out how to unboil a hen's egg. (After boiling, the egg's proteins become "tangled," but the scientists' device can untangle them, allowing the egg white to return to its previous state.) Actually, the researchers' paper promises dramatically reduced costs in several applications, from cancer treatments to food production, where similar, clean untanglings might take "thousands" of times longer. [UC Irvine press release, promoting publication in the ChemBioChem journal, 1-23-2015] ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 You impress everyone with your creativity this week, Aries. Allow this creativity to be the inspiration behind projects you have been putting off of late. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Keep your goals relatively simple for the next few days, Taurus. You can benefit from the positive reinforcement of completing tasks and getting things done. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, you have been immersed in work and are starting to show the ill effects of keeping long hours. Now is a great time to take a few days off or enjoy a mini-vacation. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, you have a lot to get done, but resist the urge to micromanage every detail, as this could be a surefire path to burnout. You need to take a few breaths. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, avoid the temptation to get started on another new project. You already have plenty of other things on your plate. Finish those tasks before moving on to something new. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 It is sometimes easy to miss the forest for the trees, Virgo. Try taking a step back so you can look at a puzzling project from a new perspective. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, you may be searching for a new adventure, but try to appreciate the here and now as well. It's easy to get swept up in fantasies, but don't let them carry you too far away. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, you suspect that someone is hiding something, and that very well may be the case. Perhaps a welcome surprise is coming your way. Resist the urge to dig too deep. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 You can probably talk your way out of trouble, Sagittarius, but this time it's better to let things play out. Keep conversations light and free from controversy. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, find balance between your personal ambitions and things you have to accomplish at work and at home. Finding a middle ground is the best approach. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, you need a few extra people to contribute to a special task, but you do not know who to ask. If you think hard enough, you will know who you can depend on. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Your demeanor makes it easy for others to enjoy your company, and that will come in handy as your social schedule fills up in the days ahead. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard IN THE MORNING Weekdays 5:30AM to 10:00AM

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