Up & Coming Weekly

December 16, 2014

Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.

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8 DECEMBER 17-23, 2014 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM It's Christmas time in the city. You and your relatives are about to bond. Is your stress level elevated? Consider English King Richard the Lionheart's Christmas in 1192. He had a lousy Christmas vacation. Mr. Lionheart was going to visit his brother-in-law, Henry the Lion, when he was taken captive in Austria. Family vacations often turn out in unexpected ways. Richard ended up being the prisoner of Henry VI, the Holy Roman Emperor. Being held hostage by the Holy Roman Emperor isn't quite as bad as having Cousin Eddie come visit you for Christmas, but it comes close. Einstein once said, "Everything is relative." Step into the Way Back Machine to ponder Richard the Lionheart's relatives. This small history lesson may make you feel better about your own kinfolk who are not presently trying to kill you. Richard was born in 1157 to King Henry II and Eleanor of Aquitaine. Richard had an older brother Henry and a younger brother John. These boys just did not get along with their Dad or each other. They put the fun in dysfunctional. All three boys wanted Dad out of the way. They scrammed to France with Richard's mom, Eleanor, to raise an army to relieve Henry II of his kingdom to get an advance on their inheritance. Push came to shove. After a bunch of sword fighting, Dad defeated the boys. Richard went fussing and moaning to Dad who forgave him for rebelling. The other boys whined too. Dad mostly forgave them. Eleanor spent the rest of her life in an English prison for contributing to the delinquency of minors. Back in the 12th Century arranged marriages were all the rage. As Tina Turner sang, "What's love got to do with it?" Richard got engaged to Princess Alys, the daughter of the King of France. Alys was quite the hot number. Word around the castle was that Richard's dad Henry II took a fancy to Alys and made whoopee with his future daughter-in-law. This made for awkward dinner table conversation when the family got together for the holidays. Richard's dad decided that his son Henry was to be his successor. This sat poorly with Richard. Young Henry sent an army to France to fight Richard. Henry won this round. Unfortunately for Young Henry, he died shortly after his big win. Henry II then sent Richard's younger brother John to invade France to fight Richard. Richard got cozy with King Phillip of France to fight off dear old Dad. Richard and Phil invaded England and smacked down Dad's army. Henry II then announced that Richard would be his heir to be King of England. Two days later, Henry II conveniently died, thus making Richard King of England. Richard then signed up to fight the Third Crusade to recapture Jerusalem from the Moslems led by Saladin. Before crusading, Richard married Princess Berengaria whose daddy was King of Navarre. The Third Crusade was a draw as neither Richard nor Saladin could vanquish the other. Even today the Middle East remains a rough neighborhood. . When Richard got back to France, his wife Berengaria was mad at him because he never called during his years of crusading. This seems unfair as the telephone was not invented for another 700 years, Who can reason with an angry woman? She changed the locks on the castle door as shown in the illustration. Richard headed back to England to keep brother John from taking over. He got ship wrecked and held for ransom by the Holy Roman Emperor. After the ransom was paid Richard got into a war with France. Richard managed to get shot in the neck by a French dude with a cross bow. Richard knew he was about to expire. He had the cross bow dude brought before him. Turned out the guy with a cross bow was a boy. Richard, in a last act of chivalry, forgave him and let him go. Unfortunately for the shooter, after Richard croaked, the archer was flayed and hung. Richard's heart was buried in Normandy, his intestines in another place, and his body in a third location. This burial procedure is where Tony Bennett got his idea for the song "I left my heart in San Francisco." Now your family situation doesn't seem so bad does it? Merry Christmas. A Royal Mess BY PITT DICKEY PITT DICKEY, Attorney, COM- MENTS? Editor@upandcomin- gweekly.com. The only thing missing is You! Book Your Holiday Party gatesfour.com • 425-6667 x235 Family vacations often turn out in unexpected ways. • Casual Atmosphere • Impressive Wine List • Parties & Catering • Carry Home Service 910.867.8700 1400 Walter Reed Road, Suite 130 (All American Freeway & Owen Drive) HOURS: M-S 11 a.m. - 10 p.m.; Sun. 11 a.m. - 9 p.m. www.LittleItalyFay.com pizzeria & restaurant L i t t l e I t a l y Special menu for the Christmas season!

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