Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: http://www.epageflip.net/i/434549
DECEMBER 17-23, 2014 UCW 19 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS The Company You Keep I've got an intense attraction to this musi- cian I've been dating for four months. He's on the road a lot, plus he's new to the city and recently out of a relationship. He says he's not ready to get serious now and just told me he wants us to be non-monogamous. The more I try to get close the more he pulls away. My girlfriends told me to stop chasing him and be much less available. I tried being less present, which, to my surprise, made him miss me and be more attentive. I'm disgusted at the need for manipulative game playing. How much longer do I need to keep this up? — Hate Games Chasing a man is an especially bad strategy when you're looking for love. The reason for this goes back millions of years and comes down to what anthropologists call "parental investment" and how biol- ogy sticks women with the lion's share of it. Before the inven- tion of reliable birth control, a single romp in the bushes could leave a woman with a hungry kid to haul around and feed. So women evolved to be the choosier sex — to cross their legs until the man vying to be their sex partner showed he'd be likely to stick around to provide for any ensuing Neander-browed children. Men, in turn, coevolved to expect this choosiness from women. And though we're living in modern times, we've got some pretty antique psychology still driving us. So when a man today encounters a woman who seems easy to have, he tends to get the message that she isn't worth having. This may seem awful and unfair, but it's just how things are. So lamenting the need for game playing is like expecting something different from gravity. Drop an apple and it's going to fall; it will not lift off, circle your head a few times and then try to make it to Cleveland on tail winds before nightfall. As for this guy, sure, you want him, but letting attraction and enjoyment alone determine whom you have a relationship with is like letting your taste buds do your grocery shopping. (Dunno about yours, but mine would not be lingering in the broc- coli section.) Before you get involved with a man, you need to check to see that he's available, and immediately disqualify any man who isn't single or emotionally ready for a relationship. Once you have a viable candidate, take steps to avoid seeming desperate, like by setting the timer on your phone for 20 min- utes or an hour before you return a text. The more you do this sort of thing the more natural it will feel, until you become hard to get instead of just playing it. Should you feel tempted to fall back into old chase behav- iors, just remind yourself of your ultimate goal -- inspiring a man to want you instead of inspiring him to fill out paperwork to keep you 100 feet away from him at all times. WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Kansas lawyer Dennis Hawver was disbarred in November for his comically bad (24 separate deficiencies) defense of double-murder suspect Phillip Cheatham in 2005 (which led to a new trial for Cheatham). Hawver had admitted to the jury that his client was a "shooter of people" (a previous manslaughter conviction) who, as an "experience(d)" criminal would never have left that third victim alive with multiple gunshot wounds. A confident Hawver had virtually invited the jury to execute "whoever" the killer was. (At a September hearing to keep his license, he dressed as Thomas Jefferson, banging the lectern and shouting, as reverse psychology, "I am incompetent!" — leading the blog Lowering the Bar to muse that by then, the argument was wholly unnecessary.) Cheatham told the Topeka Capital- Journal that Hawver is "a good dude (but) just in over his head." [Topeka Capital-Journal, 11-14-2014] [Lowering the Bar, 9-18-2014] Names in the News Arrested in October for burglary of a Kohl's department store in Alhambra, California: Ms. Josephine Crook, 49. Passed away on Oct. 15 in Marietta, Georgia: Ms. Ida Gbye, 81. Arrested in October and charged with stabbing two men in Regina, Saskatchewan: Ms. Danielle Knife, 24. Charged in Mississauga, Ontario, in October with sexually assaulting three male patients: psychologist Dr. Vincent Hung Lo. Arrested in November in Gainesville, Florida, on sexual assault charges but then exonerated three days later when accuser Jeremy Foster was caught lying: Mr. Phuc Kieu, 58. [KNBC-TV (Los Angeles), 10-26-2014] [Marietta Daily Journal, 10-23-2014] [CTV News (Regina), 10-16-2014] [The Star (Toronto), 10-7-2014] [First Coast News (Jacksonville), 11-26-2014] The Continuing Crisis The Creative Class: To spark interest in the new leisure center opening in spring 2015 in Selby in North Yorkshire, England, the management company WLCT sponsored a contest to name the center, with the prize a year's free membership. On Nov. 5, General Manager Paul Hirst announced that Steve Wadsworth was the winner, proclaiming, "Well done to Steve on winning the competition." The winning entry: "Selby Leisure Centre." [Selby District Council press release, 11-5- 2014] ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, things are going to change with regard to your professional life. Expect some good news at work and possibly a promotion. Make the most of this opportunity. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 This week is bound to be very social, and your calendar is full, Taurus. You can pick and choose what you want to do, and you can expect to enjoy all of your experiences in the week ahead. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Expect to start the week on an exciting note, Gemini. Big news is coming your way, and you can allow yourself to enjoy this exciting time in your life. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, enjoy time with your significant other in the days ahead. A romantic trip could be just the way to go, and both of you will appreciate the one-on-one time. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Home matters have been on your mind, Leo. This week you will reach a resolution to your issue. Your hard work has paid off so you can have some fun. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 This is a week you are bound to enjoy, Virgo. The next several days will be full of structured fun, and that is right up your alley. Enjoy the company of friends and family. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, you may prefer to keep to yourself this week, but you are more likely to be surrounded by friends and family. Make the most of this time with loved ones. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, things are set to go your way and you couldn't be happier. You thrive on being in control, and that's right where you will be this week. Good things are ahead. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, you tend to get restless with routine, so take some time to switch things up this week. Take a different route to work or school. Otherwise, make new friends. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, your love of travel continues this week, and you won't be content until you hit the road. If you have the chance to travel, make the most of this opportunity. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, now is a great time to aim for a promotion at work or make some changes to make yourself more marketable. It's time to push ahead in your career. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, this is an exciting period for you, as both personal plans and career goals come to fruition. Enjoy the ride in the days ahead. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard