CityView Magazine - Fayetteville, NC
Issue link: http://www.epageflip.net/i/35097
f ovember 2, 2009 was the day that turned my world, ministry and perspective upside down. It was a Monday just like any other but when the phone rang that night I learned that two of my students had been in a fatal accident, along with both parents. My heart began to race as my wife and I immediately drove to see how we could help the family. Since that night I’ve experienced other losses and I’ve learned more about grief than I ever thought was possible. As tragedy after tragedy has happened, I’ve learned that it’s important to be intentional in how we help our children and teens cope with their emotional pain. First off, I’ve learned that many different things cause us to grieve. It doesn’t have to be the loss of a friend or family member to experience the emotional roller coaster of grief. Really, any loss will suffice. Unmet expectations, loss of a goal or losing a desired friendship will all create shock, anger, disappointment and even feelings of depression. As parents and spiritual coaches we usually wait and hope that time will heal these emotional wounds and bring our loved ones to a place where they accept that the loss is real. Time does help dull the intensity of the pain but, unfortunately, time alone does not heal a grieving heart. I believe that we have to be intentional in getting our teens to talk about what they are thinking and feeling. Try to get them to name their emotions. Give them a few notecards and before they go to bed ask them to write down everything they felt that day. After a week of doing this activity you will have something to discuss. Youcan look for patterns in emotions, but be patient and do this activity often over an extended period even if no pattern is apparent. For the first two months following November 2, 2009 the only thing I felt was numbness. I kept saying, “I can’t believe this happened.” It took five or six months before I could tell the difference between good days and bad days. The waves of grief continue to this day but, as I’ve learned to pay attention to what I’m thinking and feeling, I’ve gained a desire to help others in difficult situations. Lastly, be on the look out for signs of healthy behavior and ways to cope with grief. These could include exercise, journaling, talking with a counselor, making a scrapbook, doing a project in memory of the person and telling stories about the loved one. If you choose to use any of these ideas, it’s important for you to be transparent with your thoughts and feelings as well. It’s okay for you to not have it all together or to not know all the answers. The most important thing is that you open the channels of dialogue and raise your teen’s self-awareness. Grief is a normal part of life, but learning how to deal with our emotions in a healthy way does not come naturally to any of us. Let’s do our teens a huge favor and model some of these steps as we continue to deal with our own disappointments in the days and weeks to come. We can help our teens know that we are human, too, and that they are not alone.CV Craig Morrison is the Youth Pastor at Snyder Memorial Baptist Church in Fayetteville. www.snydermbc.com CityViewNC.com | 17 aith GOOD GRIEF N Healthy ways to help teens mourn their losses | By Craig Morrison