The O-town Scene

Diversity Rules By Jim Koury Be aware of what words can mean I was recently the guest speaker at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Athens and Seshaquin, Pa. I was also was asked to do the “Lesson for All Ages.” My topic was “Words Can Hurt.” The English language is amazing. The words contained within it, when combined together, can create beautiful messages of hope, inspiration and good will. Songs are sung with words combined together with musical notes to create an even more inspiring message that can change the world. Conversely, hurtful words can cut people down through belittlement, sarcasm and statements focusing on a person’s shortcomings. I do not adhere to the “political correct” phi- losophy all the time. I think such “correctness” Hurtful words can cut people down through be- littlement, sarcasm and statements focusing on a person’s shortcomings. can get carried away to the point where people become afraid to say anything out of fear of of- fending someone or some group. However, we do need to be cognizant of the impact our words have on an individual or group of individuals. One of the phrases that is discussed a lot in terms of the LGBTQ community is “That’s so gay.” I have done a number of forums at local schools at which young people are asked what this phrase means to them. Most say it equates to calling someone or something stupid. So when it is pointed out that in effect they are calling gay people “stupid” there is always a realization that it probably isn’t the best thing to say to someone. Additionally words can be used to the detriment of someone who is in the closet when another person says derogatory things about LGBTQ people. I often say to young people that they do not know who is hiding secretly within themselves the fact that they are LGBTQ and that they should choose their words carefully, as anti-gay state- ments could feasibly cause one to commit suicide. Yes, it is the extreme example but it has been documented that teen suicides were the result of bullying because the victim simply had enough. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” Hurtful words will be forgotten but the silence of a dear friend resulting from suicide is a travesty that simply should not be tolerated. Decide to spread a message of love and acceptance through the words you choose; leave the hateful ones in silence. — Jim Koury Jim Koury was born and raised in Oneonta. He is a gay activist, and the city clerk of Oneonta, a position he has held for 18 years. He can be reached at editor@ diversityrulesmagazine.com. Take chance to be free Having spent a week in South beach Miami with my partner, I returned to work with mixed feelings, though mostly very good. For sure, there was dread over the shear numbers of patients awaiting my return, anxious to see “their” doctor. You see, after 30 years of professional relationships — caring for, watching generations grow from childhood to mature persons and witnessing the passing of “old” friends — a spiritual bond exists that is irreplaceable. In my practice, it is a combination of trust and, in a sense, “love,” a spiritual bond. Perhaps it was this special character that many patients felt reassuring as I evolved from a devoted father and husband into a gay devoted father and husband. People realized that I am the same person rather than a freak of nature or a deviant as many of their pastors had lead them to believe. 20 O-Town Scene June 9, 2011 Guest Column Although I had taken two vacations independently from my family in the past three years, for which I was heavily criticized, this one was truly refresh- ing and new. It was spent with a person I loved and with the opportunity to live freely and openly in mixed community. Neither judged nor criticized, I was “me” for the first time. The ability to express affection appropriately in public for my lover, bolstered my identity as a gay man. It recharged my batteries, giving me the reas- surance that I had made the right decision in “coming out.” More importantly, my daughters’ accep- tance of both of us, concern that we had enjoyed ourselves, was very reassuring for our future relations as father and daughters. In time, the picture will be complete with a new “friendship” with Mom. Even my staff (straight and gay) commented to my partner as to how much hap- pier I am when he is present in town, a permanent situation to be realized in a few short weeks. In closing, “coming out,” though filled with apprehension and worry, is always good in the end. Whether you are single or married, being closeted restrains your spirituality, denying you the joy of living as you are intended to be, suppressing you personally. It takes courage and fortitude. However, if you keep your eyes on the goal and the trophy that awaits you, any pain or persecution will prove empowering in the end. LGBTQ Events Thu. 6/9 Trash Thursday with Katrina, 9 p.m., Merlin’s, 201 State St., Binghamton. Sat. 6/10 College Night at Merlin’s, 8 p.m., 201 State St., Binghamton. Col- lege ID’s in free before 11 p.m. College Night at Twist Ultra Lounge, 252 West Genesee St., Syracuse. 6/10-12 — David Martin David Martin is living separately from his wife of 37 years. He is a father of five adopted children and practices as a solo internist physi- cian in central New York. He was educated at Fordham University and Upstate Medi- cal University. He attends All Saints Church in Syracuse, and hosts parish for the LGBT Catholic community. Albany Pride Celebration Sat. 6/11 7th Annual Pride Palooza, 4 to 8 p.m., Binghamton. Sat. 6/18 CNY Pride Festival, Syracuse. Celebrate Central NY Pride. Flag- raising 10:30 a.m., Pride Parade 11 a.m., Pride Festival, Everson Plaza. Fri. 6/24 George Walsh Revisits Little Falls, 8 p.m., George and special guest Lukus Wells at the Black Box Theater at the Stone Mill. the Diversity Scene June 9-15

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